Monday, July 4, 2016

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child - A Farce in One Act (Election 2016 Recriminations)

Scene: The confessional box of the Church of Saint Lucre

Father Sinclair Davidson: In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti, Amen. Tell me you sins , my son.

Little Malcolm T: Wot sins?  

Father SD: Didn’t you burn down boarding house?  

LMT: Nah! Not me…

Father SD: Have you made a full and proper examination of your conscience?

LMT: But I didn’t do nuffink.

Father SD: But they found you watching the conflagration with an empty jerrycan at your feet and a box of matches in your pocket.

LMT: (Desperately) Ahhh….

Father SD: Come on son, out with it. Who did it?

LMT: I know, I know. It was Tony A. Yeah it was Tony A. Yeah.

Father SD: Did you see him do it?

LMT: Nah, but Miranda, Janet and Nikki told everybody it was ‘im.

Father SD: Really?

LMT: Yeah, just ask Julie B and Scott M, from my dorm. They’ll definitely tell ya it was ‘im wot dunnit.

Father SD: Truly?

LMT: Yeah, and… George. George B will say it was Tony. You can trust George because he says he’s gunna to be a lawyer when he’s growed up!

Father SD: Go on…

LMT: And don’t forget Chrissy P…

Father SD: Who?

LMT: Chrissy P, you know the boy that thinks he’s a girl… the one who likes submarines.

Father SD: Anyone else?

LMT: And Arfur S, you know you can trust Arfur! Honest Arfur we call ‘im.

Father SD: Well… okay then. Sounds fair enough to me. On your way my son and (reaching for his cane) send that little bastard Abbott and his altar boy mates in here for some good old fashioned absolution.

LMT: No worries, fanks Father.

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