You, sir, are the scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link - Mark Twain to a snake oil peddler

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that - George Carlin

Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows: Trinculo in 'The Tempest' William Shakespeare

Strange Bedfellows

A Farce in One Act

 
Scene: A bus stop where a queue of commuters wait patiently. One is listening to the news on his iPhone.
 
Voice over

• This is the ABC News. Indonesia has given approval for Australians Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran’s transfer from prison to be executed for drug trafficking…

 
Low Information Voter

• They can’t just kill ‘em, can they? I mean, it’s not right, is it? I mean, nobody died… did they?

Green Hipster

• And using the force of the state to kill is just not something an intelligent voter in a modern western democracy can support.

 
Low Information Voter

• I mean I wouldn’t do smack or nuffink like that… Well I did once but I wouldn’t sell it, except for the time me mate Jacko needed a hit. I mean he was really desperate and anyway I needed the money for Kylie’s child support.

 
Green Hipster

• If we’re not careful, we’ll see the Police shooting girls armed with knives and getting away with it.

 
Low Information Voter

• ‘uken A! Then they’ll be wantin’ to be shootin’ me just for selling dope to school kids. It’s just ‘uken wrong. It’s not like I’m a head lopping islamic ‘uck head. Am I roight?

 
Green Hipster

• I disagree with any use of state force including war. War is not the answer.

 
Low Information Voter

• Well, that depends on the 'uken question, dunnit?

Green Hipster

• Well, perhaps you are right but to apply lethal force with such cold forethought against an unarmed human. It’s barbaric, it’s unconscionable. One cannot be human and sanction such an act of brutality.

 
Low Information Voter

• Yeah, it’s loik when Kylie got pregnant, she wanted, ya know, to get it fixed, ya know, an abortion.

 
Green Hipster

• There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s a woman’s right to choose.

 
Low Information Voter

• No way. It was my kid and anyways she was seven months in before she wanted to rid of the kid, so it was too late anyway.

Green Hipster

• It wasn’t too late at all. She could have had an abortion up to the moment before delivery.

 
Low Information Voter

• Ya shitten’ me?

 
Green Hipster

• Not at all. It’s called a late term abortion and it’s fully sanctioned with the authority of the state government and financed by the Federal Government. It’s a women’s health issue.

 
Low Information Voter

• No ‘uken way!

 
Green Hipster

• Yes way, in fact my partner Moonbeam-Starlight had one and I supported her all the way.

 
Low Information Voter swings a clenched fist connecting with the Green Hipster’s chin. An audible crack fills the silence as Green Hipster crumples to the ground in slow motion like a skinny sack of fairy floss.
 
Low Information Voter (Standing over Green Hipster)

• Ya sick fuck!

 
Green Hipster (Sporting a newly broken jaw)

• Poleeth! Poleeth! Thoot thith lunatic…

Read all about it here

When anyone asks how I can best describe my experience in nearly 40 years at sea, I merely say, uneventful... in all my experience, I have never been in any accident of any sort worth speaking about - Captain E.J. Smith, Captain of Titanic

Jefferson and Washington had no idea these idiots would exist, otherwise they would not have made killing illegal - Anonymous